One week before midseason, things are getting ugly, and not Visanthe Shiancoe's penis ugly. We're talking "Ray Lewis Poetry" ugly. Injuries, bye week mayhem, fluke performances, ANOTHER TEAM CHOKING AGAINST JOHN...Is it a trend or it is an aberration; it's time to take stock and remember why we think we know what we're doing. THIS is "what we talk about when we talk about fantasy football"!
MONDAY MORNING QUARTER-SLACK
Okay folks, you know the drill: A brief introduction, by either yours truly or a celebrity guest, the weekly awards, with a decidedly mountainous theme as befits our league name, quotable quotes from around the league that week (I'll pull them from message board posts and emails, and otherwise will totally make them up to suit my needs), and finally a preview of the coming week's match-ups and FA transactions. Any comments/suggestions can be sent to nilsferm@gmail.com and I will promptly use them however I wish.
Guest Column from Dapper Dooleys Manager John Anderson
Defense Wins Championships… In Fantasy Too!
Guest Column from Dapper Dooleys Manager John Anderson
Defense Wins Championships… In Fantasy Too!
The franchise average total defense score through Week 6 is 295 points (including punters). I got these numbers from the Starter Points by Position page. There are three teams with winning records after Week 6. All of those teams have above average total defense scores through six weeks. The team with the fewest defensive points? Replacement Ref’s Gone Wild with a 1 and 5 record.
Still don’t believe defensive players matter? In 2011, all four playoff teams from 2011 had above average total defensive scores during over the course of all 17 weeks. All four were in the same division. The fifth team in the division that missed the playoffs because it played the four playoff teams twice also scored above average in total defense over the 2011 NFL season.
Henry Ford would not endorse this statistic:
MFL uses efficiency to determine how many points a franchise scores vs. how many points a franchise could have scored with its optimal lineup. Nils references it in MMQS. How important is efficiency?
Using the MFL Power Rank page, the number 1 team according to power rank (Dapper Dooleys) has the highest efficiency at 92.3% supporting the claim that efficiency is king. The second team? Appalachian Refugees with a 1-5 record. Hmmm….
Quarterback, Quarterschmack
Conventional wisdom in the NFL is that quarterback is the most important position on the field. Is it in BORT?
Using the Player Starting Points page, the top three franchises with the most points scored by started quarterbacks have a combined record of 6-12 (.333) with an average QB score of 139 points per franchise.
The next five franchises with quarterbacks ranked 4-8 (the ninth and tenth QB is owned by a franchise in the second group) have a combined record of 20-10 with an average QB score of 72 points per franchise.
Flex Use
So the weekly question remains. What position to use in the flex position? For some teams in some weeks its obvious, but if we zoom out and look at the league as a whole, here are the tendencies:
Position
|
Times Used as Flex
|
Average Points Scored
|
Team Result
|
RB
|
15
|
13.9
|
7-8
|
TE
|
3
|
11.5
|
0-3
|
WR
|
42
|
13
|
23-19
|
So clearly the WR is the popular choice in this PPR league. TE was used three times by the Appalchian Refugees to no avail, and RB has had some success, and actually had a higher number of average points, suggesting that there might have been other culprits to some of those losses (and possibly wins).
Weekly Awards:
The Everest - Awarded to the Highest-Scoring team of the week.
This week: Buffalo Stampede (179.0)
In the barren savanna that was the scoring action in Week Six the wandering herd felt right at home, eking out a 3 point victory for this award. It was the lowest scoring winner this season but celebrated the first time that the Dez Bryant trade had really paid off as he cruised to 35.0 pts. He'll be remembered in real life for his costly 2 pt conversion drop, but on Rocky Top we count all 4 quarters, and for Jeremy that was good enough for a 19.5 pt victory.
The (Mushin) Mohammed - Awarded to a win aided most by Negative Point-Scoring by the Opponent (This Mountain came TO Mohamed)
This week: Dapper Dooleys
Only one instance of negative point scoring abetting a loss this week but it sure was a doozy. Alex Smith was projected to score 23.0 pts against a putrid NYG defense. And yet with the chorus "And a touchdown to Michael Crabtree..." still echoing in Tracy's ears Agent Smith racked up pick after pick and finished with an incredible -2.5 pts, sinking any hope of salvaging a win out of what turned out to be a lopsided affair. 3 interceptions is fine when you throw for 350 yards and 3 scores also, but when you only gain 200 yards through the air AND cough up a fumble? That's when you make Tracy feel like a Vick-tim.
Only one instance of negative point scoring abetting a loss this week but it sure was a doozy. Alex Smith was projected to score 23.0 pts against a putrid NYG defense. And yet with the chorus "And a touchdown to Michael Crabtree..." still echoing in Tracy's ears Agent Smith racked up pick after pick and finished with an incredible -2.5 pts, sinking any hope of salvaging a win out of what turned out to be a lopsided affair. 3 interceptions is fine when you throw for 350 yards and 3 scores also, but when you only gain 200 yards through the air AND cough up a fumble? That's when you make Tracy feel like a Vick-tim.
Molehill - Awarded to the team that had the Highest Efficiency Rating
This week: Dawg Pounders (97.7%)
This is the first time that the highest efficiency winner was also the lowest scoring team, an ignoble award that set its roots in a number of disturbing performances by the Pack. Projected for a strong 180.5 pt showing, Crazy Dawg Lady Tracy saw her squad under perform by a staggering 73.0 pts. Daniels, Wayne, Thomas, Brown...to list the specific players that choked under the bright lights of the match up with Dooleys would take its own column. Here instead are the players that OVER performed: Stephen Gostkowski, Jared Allen, Tramon Williams. That's 2 IDPs and a kicker for those of you scoring at home. And if you're scoring at home, you should have been on the Pounders this week, because she could've used all the scoring she could get.
Mount Katahdin - Awarded to the team with the Longest Winning Streak
Because the Appalachian Trail is like a streak, and Katahdin is the end of it, and it's a mountain, and...
This week: Dapper Dooleys (6-0)
Collusion update: The Dooley Juggernaut has now had the fewest points scored against it by over 120 on the season, and its opponents are averaging a pitiful 131.6 pts. That is actually 8 points per week LESS than the worst scoring team in the league. You heard that right ladies and gentlemen of the jury: Dapper's average opponent is so terrible that they don't even exist in this league. I assure you of this: Next week it ends. I am personally guaranteeing at least 170 points and a wi--what's that? Lesean McCoy AND Demarco Murray are out? I'm starting William Powell and Pierre Thomas at RB? Well fuck that then, ON TO 7-0!!
Collusion update: The Dooley Juggernaut has now had the fewest points scored against it by over 120 on the season, and its opponents are averaging a pitiful 131.6 pts. That is actually 8 points per week LESS than the worst scoring team in the league. You heard that right ladies and gentlemen of the jury: Dapper's average opponent is so terrible that they don't even exist in this league. I assure you of this: Next week it ends. I am personally guaranteeing at least 170 points and a wi--what's that? Lesean McCoy AND Demarco Murray are out? I'm starting William Powell and Pierre Thomas at RB? Well fuck that then, ON TO 7-0!!
Coors Light - Awarded to the team with the Lowest Point Total in a Win
This week: Replacement Refs Gone Wild (162.5)
Not only was this the first win for RRGW but it was against a division winner, and was the first time that any team has had 1/3 of their scoring come from 1 person. That's right folks; this was Aaron Rodgers laying the smack down on some he-shes. 50.0 pts from his signal caller allowed Phil to discount double-check all the way to big savings against a Chick with Ditkas team that also had a huge point downturn this week, a theme that a lucky few would take advantage of. The Refs are now halfway to SnookiMonsterOMNOMNOMNOM's 2 win total of last season, and may God have mercy on his soul if Phil can't beat that.
Gregor Clegane - Awarded to the to the team that pulled off the Biggest Upset According to Projections
Because he's "The Mountain who Rides". Football and fantasy, amiright? More like "Game of THROWS" in ATL the other night.
This week: Replacement Refs Gone Wild (30.0pts)
Two upsets this week but none was bigger than Phil's dismantling of previously 4-1 Chicks with Ditkas, a huge favorite heading in. To put some perspective on this tilt, coming in CWD had been averaging 173pts/w compared to RRGW's 131/w. Throw in the fact that Rodgers was playing the top defense in football in HOU and the Crazy Zebras were projected for a measly 117 pts. Kudos to RRGW, or as they're known in Algonquin: "Those who throw Flags".
Two upsets this week but none was bigger than Phil's dismantling of previously 4-1 Chicks with Ditkas, a huge favorite heading in. To put some perspective on this tilt, coming in CWD had been averaging 173pts/w compared to RRGW's 131/w. Throw in the fact that Rodgers was playing the top defense in football in HOU and the Crazy Zebras were projected for a measly 117 pts. Kudos to RRGW, or as they're known in Algonquin: "Those who throw Flags".
MDI (Mount Desert Island) - Awarded to the team with the Worst Efficiency Rating
Because our mountains don't even have trees on top. That's weak. Hear me, Mountains? Rogaine. It's a thing.
This week: The Magnetic Turf (72.1%)
I bring you commentary courtesy of the poet Candice.
Gaga lost patience
with slow moving Greene machine
34.0 no more
And here are some more:
Shonn Greene's Bad Romance
Chooses Turf over Gaga
"It's not you it's me"
Jet's Greene cut last week
but just needed stewardess
delayed takeoff flight
Jets back scores thirty
but is not named Tim Tebow
Rex hails "Chosen Shonn"
Basically Shonn Greene went off, but was on the bench. Good luck hoping he does that again next week Phil...
Cliffhanger - Awarded to the team with the Smallest Margin of Victory
This week: Buffalo Stampede (19.5 pts)
The smallest margin of victory wasn't incredibly close this week as Jeremy's heifers broke less of a sweat than a sweater cow in a lace bra. If Bill and Jimmy had started Michael Vick (22.0 pts) and James Jones (18.0 pts) however, things could have been a bit different.
Quotable Quotes from around the League this Week:
"Philip Rivers -10 points.
This is the stat line. I called it almost perfectly.
-2.0 pts for 2 Fumbles
*9.0 pts for 242 Passing Yards
*12.0 pts for 2 Passing TDs
*-4.0 pts for 2 Fumbles Lost (to Opponent)
*-12.0 pts for 4 Interceptions
*-6.0 pts for 1 Had Pass Ints Returned TDs
*-6.0 pts for 1 Had Lost Fumble Returned TDs
*-1.0 pts for 10 Penalty Yards
RIVERS YOU ARE DEAD TO ME!"
This is the stat line. I called it almost perfectly.
-2.0 pts for 2 Fumbles
*9.0 pts for 242 Passing Yards
*12.0 pts for 2 Passing TDs
*-4.0 pts for 2 Fumbles Lost (to Opponent)
*-12.0 pts for 4 Interceptions
*-6.0 pts for 1 Had Pass Ints Returned TDs
*-6.0 pts for 1 Had Lost Fumble Returned TDs
*-1.0 pts for 10 Penalty Yards
RIVERS YOU ARE DEAD TO ME!"
- Mushin no Shin (ed- Anthony, if you really want him dead just tell Tracy he said something bad about the Browns. I want to try that stew again.)
"..."
- I'm a MAN I'm Forte!, trying not to jinx the fact that he's gone from league laughingstock to contender in 14 months. YES I'M CELEBRATING MYSELF IT'S MY COLUMN AND I CAN IF I WANT TO
"I sympathize, Mushin. Aaron Rodgers just obliterated my chances this weekend. 50 pts in one game? I feel like Mike McCarthy must have been screaming "yes, late your hate flow through you" over and over the entire game.
Needless to say, my puny rebellion is no more *sigh*"
- Chicks with Ditkas, making a Star Wars reference 30 years too late
"I find your lack of picks...disturbing"
- Dapper Dooley's manager John Anderson, pinching his fingers together while watching the 49ers game. Thousands of miles away, a look of abject terror on his face, Alex Smith starts choking...
"ACL mended
Look out for Achilles heel"ACL mended
Rashard Mendenhall"
- Brady Gaga
- Brady Gaga
Next Week's "Featured Match-up":
Dapper Dooleys (6-0) vs. I'm a MAN I'm Forte (4-2)
I'm hiring a bodyguard. And I'm telling your wife you were mean to me if you win.
Trade Market Watch:
No trades again this week, surprising since there's been so much FA activity. The double-bye weeks start now though, so don't be shocked to see some players moved. No one team outside of the Kommissar has pulled away so most teams are well within striking distance for a playoff slot.
FA Hot Stocks:
With some injuries occurring this week and the double-bye coming up expect plenty of movement. Here are just a few of the names that should garner bids over $1:
Felix Jones, RB, DAL
Ronde Barber, S, TBB
La-Rod Stevens Howling, RB ARI
Sidney Rice, WR SEA
Next Week:
The Mid-season Awards and new Playoff Power Rankings!
