Thompson Boling Arena:
Dawg Pounders
Replacement Refs Gone Wild
Cordarrelicte Campaign
Mushin no Shin
Muscle and Flow
Neyland Stadium:
Chicks with Ditkas
Midnight in the Gordon of Weeden
Jimmy Swaggart's Holy Ghost Revival
The Over/Undertakers
Chinese Mafia
Some interesting things come to mind when looking at this. 1) Neyland Stadium would basically be the same as last season if competition was normalized, indicating that while the standings appear different, it's reasonable to assume that the relative talent levels of the teams remain unchanged, 2) Compared to 2012's overall power rankings, the only major differences are major drops by the Andersons, moving from 1st to 7th and from 4th to 10th respectively. The declines at RB and QB have essentially taken away their competitive edges, though a favorable opposition scoring variance has been enough to keep John's record looking spiffy. But enough about this, on to another (delayed, sorry) Weekly Recap!
MONDAY MORNING QUARTER-SLACK
Okay folks, you know the drill: A brief introduction, by either yours truly or a celebrity guest, the weekly awards, with a decidedly mountainous theme as befits our league name, quotable quotes from around the league that week (I'll pull them from message board posts and emails, and otherwise will totally make them up to suit my needs), and finally a preview of the coming week's match-ups and FA transactions. Any comments/suggestions can be sent to nilsferm@gmail.com and I will promptly use them however I wish.
Weekly Awards:The Everest - Awarded to the Highest-Scoring team of the week.
This week: Cordarrelicte Campaign (232.7)
And of course right after I mention that John's match ups have been favorable he goes ahead and dominates Week 7. It's interesting to note, however, that this was the lowest top weekly scoring output of the season, and only raised John's seasonal weekly point average to 206.4, 6th in the league and ahead of only Chinese Mafia in Neyland Stadium. Will the bottom drop out though? The Go-for-twolander faces 3 top teams in the next 4 weeks and the outlying match is an always-tough Anderson-only match. Then again, every week Trent Richardson has to learn to Colts playbook is another week closer to getting that stable of RB1s back to full strength, and with 5 wins already in the bank John could play .500 ball the rest of the season and likely still make the playoffs.
The Dolly Parton - Awarded to a trade that needs to happen RIGHT NOW (As in: these teams need some "artificial enhancement" ASAP)
This week: Chinese Mafia gives $9, Over/Undertakers gives one of their MANY 2014 RD2 picks, Emmannuel Sanders and Wesley Woodyard
This almost actually happened! This would be the first clear Boat Trash trade of the season. Rob has managed to take the league by storm behind the stellar play of Tony Romo and Julius Thomas, but is perilously close to running out of both CY room and FAAB. Without the fuel to keep this engine running he's in danger of sputtering right when it matters most. Da, on the other hand, is playing for 2014, or maybe 2015. $9 may not sound like a lot, but that's 4 weeks of bye week filler players, and the 7 (!) contract years Rob would shed in this deal would also go a long way to ensuring that he'd be able to play the wire the rest of the season. Too late of a suggestion? Balderdash! Rob has more picks, still needs cash and cap room, and Da's got stacks on stacks on sweet green backs.
This almost actually happened! This would be the first clear Boat Trash trade of the season. Rob has managed to take the league by storm behind the stellar play of Tony Romo and Julius Thomas, but is perilously close to running out of both CY room and FAAB. Without the fuel to keep this engine running he's in danger of sputtering right when it matters most. Da, on the other hand, is playing for 2014, or maybe 2015. $9 may not sound like a lot, but that's 4 weeks of bye week filler players, and the 7 (!) contract years Rob would shed in this deal would also go a long way to ensuring that he'd be able to play the wire the rest of the season. Too late of a suggestion? Balderdash! Rob has more picks, still needs cash and cap room, and Da's got stacks on stacks on sweet green backs.
Iceberg- Awarded to the team that had the Highest Scoring Performance left Benched
This week: Muscle and Flow (33.5)
And if we're talking about rebuilding teams... I think it might be time to pull the plug on Candace's 2013. Andy Dalton wouldn't have made a difference this week, and though Tom Brady is doing his best to make sure that Nils doesn't make out too well in last year's deal, Dalton may not be a long-term solution to the QB position. At 2-5 and neck and neck with Da for the top overall draft pick Teddy Bridgewater has to be looming large. There are some trades to be made to tank the ROS and set up better for a more realistic run next year, and I wouldn't be surprised if we didn't start seeing some trade polls go up in the next few weeks.
Mount Katahdin - Awarded to the team with the Longest Winning Streak
Because the Appalachian Trail is like a streak, and Katahdin is the end of it, and it's a mountain, and...
This week: Cordarrelicte Campaign (4 wins)
Arian Foster injured? Don't Tate, participate. Trent Richardson ineffective? Things still trenting upwards. Percy Harvin out for 8 weeks? Probably off harvin' jack-o'lanterns. Say whatever you want about points per week or a fall off from 2012. John's won 4 in a row, 5 of 7, and it took only 8 wins to make the playoffs last season. Sitting in his dank cavern, shrouded in the skins of fallen foes, the Kommissar laughs at your dubious glances.
Coors Light - Awarded to the team with the Lowest Point Total in a Win
This week: Mushin no Shin (183.6)
After a brutal loss last week Anthony's French Pirate Lovers (arrrrrmour) lucked into an increasingly rare dud by Jimmy Swaggart's Holy Ghost Revival, eking out a 8.2pt win despite scoring 19pts below their seasonal weekly average. After a hot start The Samurai Mimes have scored only 214, 184 and 183 points in the last 3 weeks, and have tumbled from first in their division to third. Is the defensive revolution finally over, or have the RB injuries just been too much to overcome? So far this season in BORT all of the RB-needy teams have held off making trades because they've still been winning, but one wonders whether the first deal will signal a stampede.
After a brutal loss last week Anthony's French Pirate Lovers (arrrrrmour) lucked into an increasingly rare dud by Jimmy Swaggart's Holy Ghost Revival, eking out a 8.2pt win despite scoring 19pts below their seasonal weekly average. After a hot start The Samurai Mimes have scored only 214, 184 and 183 points in the last 3 weeks, and have tumbled from first in their division to third. Is the defensive revolution finally over, or have the RB injuries just been too much to overcome? So far this season in BORT all of the RB-needy teams have held off making trades because they've still been winning, but one wonders whether the first deal will signal a stampede.
Gregor Clegane - Awarded to the team that pulled off the Biggest Upset According to Projections
Because he's "The Mountain who Rides". Football and fantasy, amiright? More like "Game of THROWS" in DEN the other night...
This week: Mushin no Shin (45.5pt projected loss, 8.2pt win)
Another come from behind win, another total belly-flop by Anthony's opponent. There's no picture on the scorecard and given enough time everyone IS what their record says they are, but 53pt swings are NOT a normal occurrence, even with how terrible the MFL projection software is. Maybe it's not Anthony though. Let's take a look:
Jimmy Swaggart's Holy Ghost Revival point output, weeks 1-7:
230.6
222.6
233.6
218.1
170.4
306.4
175.4
Hmmm...so very consistent, except for the last 3 weeks, where there was WILD volatility in scoring. What's changed the last 3 weeks? Well, there was the fact that Phil started Rashad Jennings in Week 5 as his RB1...but the big one is Mr. Cam Newton, who went: 4.8, 36.7, 15.8. Players that score a lot of points are stars. Players that score a GOOD amount of points every time you play them are superstars.
MDI (Mount Desert Island) - Awarded to the team with the Worst Efficiency Rating
Because our mountains don't even have trees on top. That's weak. Hear me, Mountains? Rogaine. It's a thing.
This week: Muscle and Flow (61.6%)
YIKES. This is what happens when you have the largest benched performance (Andy Dalton's 33.4 as noted above) AND the largest negative scoring output (Jay Cutler with a possible record -7.9). On the bright side, Cutler appears to be done for the season, so he'll post nice neutral zeroes going forward...
Cliffhanger - Awarded to the team with the Smallest Margin of Victory
This week: Dawg Pounders (0.6 pts)
2012: Hey Tracy.
Tracy: Yeah 2012?
2012: Rememer when you scored the most points in the league last year but didn't make the playoffs? Well you left something behind. Here's that other shoe. I'll just drop it right here.
Tracy: kthanxbye
Quotable Quotes from around the League this Week:
"If Nils has an embarrassment of riches at running back, what would the opposite be in my case? Just an embarrassment of running backs. How many actual NFL touches does a player need before they are considered a running back? I'm starting Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney this week. Sing it with me. "Ellington and Ivory, run together in perfect harmony, side by side on my roster, keyboard, oh no,! Why don't we go.""
- Mushin no Shin. It's actually called a "Hillis". As in: "You need to trade me an RB man. I'm starting a Hillis this week!"
"Which I'm still confused by. What was the scoring change? I am protesting until I get an explanation.
Nils is a 39.9 point favorite this week even though I would have beaten him last week.
NOBODY BELIEVES IN US!"
Nils is a 39.9 point favorite this week even though I would have beaten him last week.
NOBODY BELIEVES IN US!"
- Chinese Mafia. Trivia fact! No one in North America believed in Chinese people until Katy Perry's pop single "Firework" educated them on the history of the contributions of the Asian culture. Trivia fact #1: Her exploding brassieres were originally designed to be hats!
"I don't know WHAT he wanted, he just kept rubbing my hamstrings and mumbling "Roll Tide, roll tide, roll my beautiful RB2, roll that tide..."
- New Indianapolis Colts RB Trent Richardson, confiding to police about a break in at his motel where a bearded assailant managed to both terrify him as well as give him a very satisfying deep-tissue massage.
"Jay Cutler pick-six
maybe Bennett should play defense?
A McCown spells doom."
"Jay Cutler pick-six
maybe Bennett should play defense?
A McCown spells doom."
- Muscle 'N Flow
"Beaten by Tracy? Boykin those dawgs play..."
- Chinese Mafia. Okay, that one wasn't that bad.
"Where do you find such info and if true allz I'm sayin is 5-3-0 after this week...jinxes or not I'm sayin it!! Tired of you dawgin me and keeping my mouth shut!! Go Dawgs!!"
-Dawg Pounders. Exclamation points: 6, Misspellings: 5, Beatdowns about to be put on Anthony: 1.
Next Week's "Featured Match-up":
Mushin no Shin (4-3) vs. Dawg Pounders (5-2)
There's no way I'm ending with that quote and NOT picking this match up. Offense versus defense, Silence versus the Baying of the Dawgpound, heck--4-3 versus 5-2! This pushes one to the top and one to the trough, and luckily we'll get to hear about who won for the rest of the 2013 season! Cry havoc and let slip the dawgs of BORT!
