MONDAY MORNING QUARTER-SLACK
Okay folks, you know the drill: A brief introduction, by either yours truly or a celebrity guest, the weekly awards, with a decidedly mountainous theme as befits our league name, quotable quotes from around the league that week (I'll pull them from message board posts and emails, and otherwise will totally make them up to suit my needs), and finally a preview of the coming week's match-ups and FA transactions. Any comments/suggestions can be sent to nilsferm@gmail.com and I will promptly use them however I wish.
Weekly Awards:
The Everest - Awarded to the Highest-Scoring team of the week.
This week: Buffalo Stampede (177.5)
Did the reverse-jinx work? The Stampede must feel so. Cursed by the luck dragon all season, Jeremy's Galloping Herd rolled to an impressive win win over playoff hopeful Mushin no Shin 177.5 to 149.0. Buoyed by dominant performances by Von Miller (20.0 pts), Dez Bryant (31.0) and an out of NOwhere actual useful performance by Mark Sanchez (12.0) the Stampede refused to go quietly into that good night and stay mathematically alive in the chase for the final playoff spot. It'll likely be too little, too late, but Jeremy can take solace in a strong finish and know that his team at least out-performed their acronym: B.S.
The (Mushin) Mohammed - Awarded to a win aided most by Negative Point-Scoring by the Opponent (This Mountain came TO Mohamed)
This week: NA
No negative performances by starting players this week but a few "studs" came close. I'm looking at YOU, Mr. Stafford (.5 pts). No, don't...you don't need to...ahh fine
No negative performances by starting players this week but a few "studs" came close. I'm looking at YOU, Mr. Stafford (.5 pts). No, don't...you don't need to...ahh fine
He threw me a pick. What a nice guy!
Molehill - Awarded to the team that had the Highest Efficiency Rating
This week: Dawg Pounders (100.0%)
I'm getting the impression that this category isn't as indicative of talent as I'd envisioned it to be. Starting next week I will instead by replacing the Molehill with the "Iceberg", a frozen mountain of ice that lives mostly beneath the surface. It will be awarded to the most impressive performance left on the bench each week.
Mount Katahdin - Awarded to the team with the Longest Winning Streak
Because the Appalachian Trail is like a streak, and Katahdin is the end of it, and it's a mountain, and...
This week: Chicks with Ditkas (4W)
Pending a scoring change that influences the outcome, this was a true clash of the Packers (I updated the saying to reflect how bad the Titans have become) as the formerly-known-as-Dapper-Dooleys-then-known-as-Hamster-then-known-as-Patterstokes took on Chicks with Ditkas for bragging rights as the top seed. It was a close-fought contest all weekend long with performances both laudable (Gronkowski, 32.0 pts, AJ Green 21.0 pts) and execrable (the aforementioned Mr. Stafford, Denarius Moore 1.0 pt). It came down to a head to head match up of defensive players in Monday night's game, and Tim Jenning's 2.5 pts managed to hold off Patrick Willis' 5.0 to make the margin of victory. Both teams now sit at 8-3 with 2.0 game leads in their respective divisions.
Coors Light - Awarded to the team with the Lowest Point Total in a Win
This week: Brady Gaga (137.0)
The Dreamboats righted their ship this week, getting back on the W-train after having their 3 game winning streak snapped in Week 10. It was a win far from the aesthetic that they're used to, but Vincent Jackson (23.0 pts) and Brady himself (31.0 pts) provided the sizzle that staked out a big lead, and Appalachian Refugees just wasn't hungry enough to close the gap. Now sitting at 5th in the playoff rankings Gaga will need to close out strongly, a hard road to hoe as she's up against Dawg Pounders and Mushin no Shin to end the regular season.
Gregor Clegane - Awarded to the team that pulled off the Biggest Upset According to Projections
Because he's "The Mountain who Rides". Football and fantasy, amiright? More like "Game of THROWS" in NO the other night...
This week: Buffalo Stampede (51.5 pt underdog, 28.5 pt winner)
From an email I received earlier this week:
From an email I received earlier this week:
"You just handed me the win this week by taking the stampede's only qb choice other than sanchez or campbell. If I was ruthless enough, I should have taken him (I've owned him 6 times already), and crushed the both of you. Now though, I get my win and get to keep my moral integrity intact"
-Anthony
The best laid plans of mice and men can still get trampled by a herd of bison Anthony. Pride goeth before the fall.
MDI (Mount Desert Island) - Awarded to the team with the Worst Efficiency Rating
Because our mountains don't even have trees on top. That's weak. Hear me, Mountains? Rogaine. It's a thing.
This week: Replacement Refs Gone Wild (72.3%)
Adding insult to injury this season has been the league-worst ER scoring to go with the division-worst record for Phil. He now sits at 84.5% on the season in picking points, leaving 2 full wins on the board and effectively taking himself out of the playoff chase. This week Andy Dalton (28.0 pts) was the biggest culprit, but anyone who would have started him over Aaron Rodgers this week is either a liar or Aaron Rodgers. Let me walk over to this chart to sho---OUCH! Oh, shoot. I just tripped over Matt Stafford in the backfield. Sack for me, I guess.
Cliffhanger - Awarded to the team with the Smallest Margin of Victory
This week: Chicks with Ditkas (1.5 pts)
Pending Commish Review/Tampering
Quotable Quotes from around the League this Week:
"I'd a kept him (speaking of dropping Janikowski) but I needed a WR with bad knees!! And a RB that has 2 other good Rbs on the same team...next year for these guys maybe! Would you please give 2 cys to Alexander and Ivory? Thank you!."
- Dawg Pounders, whom I hope truly savored the 3.0 pts she got from Ivory this week. Better than the 0.0 she would have gotten otherwise.
"The world is full of second guessing like:
Why did I start Berry instead of Landry when all signs pointed to landry
or
why does Matthew Stafford have to throw as many touchdowns to the other team as he does the Lions, or why can't detroit's offensive players tackle better.
or
Why does belichick run the score up so much and get his best player hurt on an extra point (no effect on this week but still...)
or
Why didn't I start any of my running backs save Donald Brown over Arian Foster. What an obvious choice that would have been (okay that one is a stretch).
Sigh, I guess playing against the easiest schedule in terms of points against was going to come back and bite me eventually... by 1.5 points...
At least I didn't experience my most important team losing to its in-state rival by 23 points, while setting all kinds of program records for futility...
oh wait...
PS Congrats Russell on taking back over the top spot in the Power Ranking, for the first time since week 4."
Why did I start Berry instead of Landry when all signs pointed to landry
or
why does Matthew Stafford have to throw as many touchdowns to the other team as he does the Lions, or why can't detroit's offensive players tackle better.
or
Why does belichick run the score up so much and get his best player hurt on an extra point (no effect on this week but still...)
or
Why didn't I start any of my running backs save Donald Brown over Arian Foster. What an obvious choice that would have been (okay that one is a stretch).
Sigh, I guess playing against the easiest schedule in terms of points against was going to come back and bite me eventually... by 1.5 points...
At least I didn't experience my most important team losing to its in-state rival by 23 points, while setting all kinds of program records for futility...
oh wait...
PS Congrats Russell on taking back over the top spot in the Power Ranking, for the first time since week 4."
- Sir Jardarrelle Patterstokes
"Let it be known that I shall enjoy my 1.5 point victory until Thursday (which is when I'm sure the updated scores will magically tip the results in the commish's favor...)."
- Chicks with Ditkas, may he rest in peace. The Soul Reaver knows not compassion after a defeat, only a thirst for revenge...
"After looking at your roster John, you'll drop Sydney Rice with only 1 CY, so you can look forward to picking him back up again about 6 times next year.
John's mantra for next year:
So many mediocre Tennessee players on waivers, so little contract years."
John's mantra for next year:
So many mediocre Tennessee players on waivers, so little contract years."
- Mushin no Shin, laughably assuming that any TEN players will make it through the winnowing minefield of John's 438 draft picks...
"Megatron, please stop.
While Matt Schaub sits on my bench
driving nail aft' nail.
Cleveland or Romo?
The question begged an answer:
Which curse is greater?"
- Brady Gaga
"Megatron, please stop.
While Matt Schaub sits on my bench
driving nail aft' nail.
Cleveland or Romo?
The question begged an answer:
Which curse is greater?"
- Brady Gaga
Next Week's "Featured Match-up":
Dawg Pounders (6-5) vs. Brady Gaga (6-5)
One of two 6-5 h2h match ups in Week 12, the other being The Magnetic Turf against I'm a MAN I'm Forte!. This one has greater repurcussions as Dawg Pounders is higher on the total points scored list. It's also the only cat fight possible in the league, and yet somehow includes a dawg...way to spoil the metaphor ladies.
Trade Market Watch:
No trades this week
FA Hot Stocks:
Those desperate for injury replacements to their studs have some options this week as backups emerged to perform admirably Here are a few of the names that should garner bids over $1:
Colin Kapernick, QB SFO
Chad Henne, QB JAC
Julian Edelman, WR NEP
LaRod Stephens-Howling, RB ARI
Jalen Parmele, RB JAC
Bryce Brown, RB PHI
Julian Edelman, WR NEP
LaRod Stephens-Howling, RB ARI
Jalen Parmele, RB JAC
Bryce Brown, RB PHI
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