MMQS Week Nine

Up a little earlier than usual so this could be up a little later after waiting 45 minutes to vote.  On the Rocky Top it was another victory for democracy as a full 5 teams have now made their voices heard in the playoff debate.  4 teams at 5-4 and fighting for the last two spots, Doug Martin flexing his tiny hamster muscles, Dawgs living with cats, MASS HYSTERIA!  Ladies and gentlemen, this is week NINE.

MONDAY MORNING QUARTER-SLACK

Okay folks, you know the drill:  A brief introduction, by either yours truly or a celebrity guest, the weekly awards, with a decidedly mountainous theme as befits our league name, quotable quotes from around the league that week (I'll pull them from message board posts and emails, and otherwise will totally make them up to suit my needs), and finally a preview of the coming week's match-ups and FA transactions.  Any comments/suggestions can be sent to nilsferm@gmail.com and I will promptly use them however I wish.

Weekly Awards:

The Everest - Awarded to the Highest-Scoring team of the week.

This week:  Brady Gaga (209.0)

Dare I say there's a streak starting in Thompson Boling Arena?  That's 4 straight wins for Brady's Ladies and they now occupy the 3rd playoff slot.  It took one of the all-time greatest performances in BORT history to get there but Doug E. Fresh was up to the task.  The Muscle Hamster poured in an incredible 55.0 points as Tampa Bay demolished Oakland at the line of scrimmage.  The numbers are positively Bo Jackson-from-Techmo-Bowl-esque: 255 rushing yards, 4 TDs PLUS 4 catches for 21 yards.  With this performance Martin joins the other top picks T. Richardson (136.5), A. Luck (145.5) and R. Griffin (186.5) as top 4 picks over 130 points.  Our sympathies go out to Bill and Jimmy who was stuck with Justin Blackmon (70.0 pts) with the fifth pick...

The (Mushin) Mohammed - Awarded to a win aided most by Negative Point-Scoring by the Opponent (This Mountain came TO Mohamed)

This week: NA
No losses aided by opposition negative scoring this week.

Molehill - Awarded to the team that had the Highest Efficiency Rating

This week: Replacement Refs Gone Wild  (97.5%)

Out of the basement...into the playoff hunt?  Stranger things have happened, and the Stripes with Gripes have certainly looked impressive since their landmark name change.  This week they were a Jacob Tamme 4 pts away from a perfect ER score and positively shellacked the Dawg Pounders.  They sit 4.0 games behind the division leading Dapper Dooleys but only 2.0 games out of a playoff spot.  It remains to be seen whether they'll regret the Chris Johnson trade of last week if he'd have meant a trip to the promised land.

Mount Katahdin - Awarded to the team with the Longest Winning Streak

Because the Appalachian Trail is like a streak, and Katahdin is the end of it, and it's a mountain, and...

This week: Brady Gaga (4W)
We have now had 2 streaks of 4 wins, and BOTH are by Andersons.  I don't want to start spouting conspiracy theories again, but is it not possible that the Anderson family share their life energy and pass it from host body to host body in order to live forever?  Candice visits Wells on Friday; I'm predicting a Gaga loss and Dooley win next week.  Pods never prosper Candice.

Coors Light - Awarded to the team with the Lowest Point Total in a Win

This week:   Mushin no Shin  (157.0)

One of the vast huddled masses grouped at 5-4, Anthony joined the ranks of the "Dooley-beaters" with a relatively comfortable 157-105.5 pt victory over John and his gaggle of wide receivers.  Incredibly, the Dooleys scored 1 total offensive touchdown this week, perhaps due to a low level of spirit energy.  When asked for comment, Mushin no Shin's manager had this to say: "The trick is that when you go up against an Anderson you have to bring TWO stakes.  You always somehow miss the heart with the first one, and then they jump up and try and bite you.  The second stake allows you to pin them and render them helpless.  You can then siphon off their life energy for potions, salves, diet Mt. Dew, stuff like that."  Very interesting Anthony.  I wonder if Greg Schiano knows about this tactic...

Gregor Clegane - Awarded to the team that pulled off the Biggest Upset According to Projections

Because he's "The Mountain who Rides".  Football and fantasy, amiright?  More like "Game of THROWS" in NO the other night...

This week: Chicks with Ditkas (8.0 pt underdog, 58.5 pt winner)
My team against Thompson Boling: 3-0.  My team within my division: 2-4.  Russell rapidly romped right passed my squad this week and seized control of Neyland Stadium with a significant upset.  Cashing in a combined 41.0 pts from Isaac Redman and Joique Bell (replacing an injured Darren Sproles), the Herm(edwards)aphrodites pasted division leader I'm a MAN I'm Forte! and took advantage of a 50 pt under- performance to pave their way to the playoffs.  With a relatively soft final 4 match ups CWD should be worried about Sproles returning to be sure, but can also start setting his team up for the second season. 

MDI (Mount Desert Island) - Awarded to the team with the Worst Efficiency Rating

Because our mountains don't even have trees on top.  That's weak.  Hear me, Mountains?  Rogaine.  It's a thing.

This week:  I'm a MAN I'm Forte (76.9%)

BREAKING NEWS: ANTONIO GATES AVAILABLE FOR RD2 PICK SO I WILL STOP STARTING HIM AND MISSING 25.5 PTS FROM BRANDON MYERS 

Cliffhanger - Awarded to the team with the Smallest Margin of Victory

This week:  Brady Gaga (7.0 pts)

Practically a blow-out compared to last week's close losses, Brady Gaga's handling of Buffalo Stamped completed a comeback a month in the making and finishing the dethroning of the Dawg Pound as the #4 seed.  Tracy will get a chance to wrest control back in Week 12 but looming large for Queen Monster is Week 10's familial rematch against the Dapper Dooleys.  I'd like to call it "Dapper/Gaga 2: This time it's personal" but it's hard to get more personal than siblings.  I'm going with "Gagapper 2: Electric Bradooleyoo".  Nailed it.

Quotable Quotes from around the League this Week:

"This appeared recently:

'Buffalo Bills general manager Buddy Nix hinted that QB Ryan Fitzpatrick isn't a franchise quarterback. "Listen, we have said from day one, that we want to draft a good young quarterback" Nix said. "I don't want to leave here without a franchise guy for the future in place. I have not said that before but I'm saying it now because its fact.'

What is that guy talking about?  I'm hanging my entire season on Ryan Fitzpatrick and Carson Palmer.  Let's Go, overrated, poorly protected, past their prime, but were only good for one year QBs, Let's Go!  (you're suppose to chant it)"

- Mushin no Shin

"I thirrssssst.  Bring the Life-spark Candice-husk!  Host-John must feed!"

- Dapper Dooleys

"Can Miles Austin overcome 30 points and two more opposing WRs and a TE?
Can Brees and Jimmy Graham make up 70 points?

Tune in tonight and tomorrow folks when these questions and more will be answered on "Suck It Top 2 Teams!"

-  Mushin no Shin, counting chickens before they've been beaten by Candice

"Oh my...I'm actually rooting for my AR!! Down with Dooley!! It's about time his team
didnt put up the numbers he's used to!!"

- Dawg Pounders, glorifying in the suffering of other.  We have now become friends.

"Now four in a row!

Thinking about the playoffs,

Maybe trade for Gates?"

- Brady Gaga, but not really.  It was me.  Trade for him.  Please.

Next Week's "Featured Match-up":

Gagapper 2: Electric Bradooleyoo

This one's for the fate of humanity!  Or, at least for the fate of playoff seeding. 

Trade Market Watch:

I'M A MAN! I'M FORTE! GAVE UP: FITZPATRICK, RYAN BUF QB MUSHIN NO SHIN GAVE UP: RIVERS, PHILIP SDC QB YEAR 2014 ROUND 3 DRAFT PICK FROM MUSHIN NO SHIN

DAPPER DOOLEYS GAVE UP: WILLIAMS, MIKE TBB WR CHICKS WITH DITKAS GAVE UP: MAYO, JEROD NEP LB

DAPPER DOOLEYS GAVE UP: DUMERVIL, ELVIS DEN DE MUSHIN NO SHIN GAVE UP: DWYER, JONATHAN PIT RB YEAR 2013 ROUND 3 DRAFT PICK FROM MUSHIN NO SHIN

Three deals this past week.  Mushin no Shin finally cut bait on Rivers, and paid the price of a RD3 pick to make him go away.  Dapper and Mushin freed up some TS room and strengthened their defenses for the stretch run, and both CWD and Dapper gained needed depth at WR and RB.  These are the kinds of moves that separate the teams going for the 2012 title from the teams already looking forward to 2013.  For those trying to do both, might I recommend a plasma energy based "Farsight" potion, made from the blood of two Andersons. I might have a line on where you could find them later this week...

FA Hot Stocks:

I expect a fairly quiet week on the FA bidding market as many teams are starting to brush up against cap restrictions, both $ and CY-wise.  There were some injuries to key players though, and the chance to get a starter is one worth taking if you're desperate.  Here are a few of the names that should garner bids over $1:

Daniel Thomas RB MIA

Mike Goodson RB OAK
Marcel Reece, RB OAK

Chris Ivory, RB NOS

James Starks, RB GB