MMQS Playoff Week One

Though there was limited competition let's hope that there was full audience participation this week as there were two match ups that will determine who plays for the championship of Rocky Top.  Could the top seeds fend off their lowly competition?  Would there be an all-Anderson final?  WHO WILL POSSESS THE SOULS OF THE FUTURE??  Week 14 means it's all-in.

MONDAY MORNING QUARTER-SLACK

Okay folks, you know the drill:  A brief introduction, by either yours truly or a celebrity guest, the weekly awards, with a decidedly mountainous theme as befits our league name, quotable quotes from around the league that week (I'll pull them from message board posts and emails, and otherwise will totally make them up to suit my needs), and finally a preview of the coming week's match-ups and FA transactions.  Any comments/suggestions can be sent to nilsferm@gmail.com and I will promptly use them however I wish.

Weekly Awards:

The Everest - Awarded to the Highest-Scoring team of the week.

This week:  Buffalo Stampede (199.0)

Hard-luck Jeremy's run of fickle treatment by the luck dragon continued in the consolation bracket, as one of his best performances of the season happened just after it would have made a difference in the main bracket.  Led by another All-World output by All-Day (29.0 pts) and an All-Continent one by Roddy White (26.5 pts) Jeremy cruised through the first round of draft competition, annihilating Replacement Refs Gone Wild and making a strong case that his was the best team left outside when the playoff door closed.  As opposed to when The University of Arizona's mascot wore a cape for the Rose Bowl, which was when the playoff boar clothed.

The (Mushin) Mohammed - Awarded to a win aided most by Negative Point-Scoring by the Opponent (This Mountain came TO Mohamed)

This week: Dawg Pounders
The other candidate in the "best team left home" race has to be Dawg Pounders, whose proclivity towards scoring points couldn't convince her opponents to throw her a bone.  Luckily the consolation bracket is made of slightly softer stuff, and temporarily league-owned Appalachian Refugees was no match for the hounds of the dumervils.  Brandon Mebane's -1.5 pts surely didn't help the Fugees but it's unlikely that they had it in them to progress much further regardless.  Better outcomes hopefully lie ahead for both franchises in 2013.

Iceberg- Awarded to the team that had the Highest Scoring Performance left Benched

This week: The Magnetic Turf  (40.0)

Another week, another dominant QB performance on Philip's bench.  This week it was Cam Newton's transcendent shredding of the Falcons, where he racked up 287 yards through the air, 116 on the ground (on 11 carries!) and 3 total TDs.  Phil now has 3 of the top 7 signal-callers, and one has to be thinking that he'll move at least 1 in the off season.  Maybe to his bench.  Or to his IR.  A trade?  Let's not get crazy...

Mount Katahdin - Awarded to the team with the Longest Winning Streak

Because the Appalachian Trail is like a streak, and Katahdin is the end of it, and it's a mountain, and...

This week: Brady Gaga (4W)

Not a "win" per se this week but certainly a good indicator of one to come as Brady Gaga took out her whuppin' stick and just let her brother have it (the whuppin, not the stick).  By Sunday afternoon the margin was over 120 pts and though strong performances by Arian Foster and Andre Johnson Monday night helped to mitigate the damage, John's looking at a 38.0 pt deficit heading into Week 2.  Unless...unless that's what John wants us to think...*



*No, no it is not.  I personally saw him crying into his biscuits and gravy Sunday night.

Coors Light - Awarded to the team with the Lowest Point Total in a Win

This week:   Dawg Pounders  (140.0)

"Give us your tired, your week, your huddled masses yearning to be eaten by dawgs..."  It was a contest right up until it started.  Closer than it should have been, but until the Refugees franchise is appointed a GM it's hard to say that they have a shot.  On a completely unrelated note, "Friend to the MMQS" Da Chang baked everyone delicious cookies.  Instead of chocolate chips they're studden with bits of Arizona's offensive line, something that opposing defenses have feasted on for weeks now, but as a first taste for us.  What a treat!

Gregor Clegane - Awarded to the team that pulled off the Biggest Upset According to Projections

Because he's "The Mountain who Rides".  Football and fantasy, amiright?  More like "Game of THROWS" in NO the other night...

This week: Brady Gaga (48.5 pt underdog, 38.0 pt winner)

I think that John summed it up best:

"As Nils and I sat stupefied and humbled on my couch watching every other team in the league get touchdowns on RedZone channel, we knew our luck was about to change. Just knew it. Then Stevie Brown returned an INT 60 yards for another big score for CWD and my team was stuck on 45 points. I went to bed last night with 45 points. No one should ever have to suffer the embarrassment of not cracking a half a hundred before bedtime on Sunday. I am contemplating a name change to Hoping for Half a Hundred."

MDI (Mount Desert Island) - Awarded to the team with the Worst Efficiency Rating

Because our mountains don't even have trees on top.  That's weak.  Hear me, Mountains?  Rogaine.  It's a thing.

This week:  Mushin no Shin (75.0%)

Alllllmost made it Anthony.  Navarro Bowman was the one player you forgot to start.  That's 2 weeks in a row where your bench should have played over your starters.  Just like a model on a reality show, I'm sad to have to tell you that you're 1 "LB" short of perfection.  Hit those weights and I'm sure that you can get there.

Cliffhanger - Awarded to the team with the Smallest Margin of Victory

This week:  The Magnetic Turf (0.5 pts)

Sadly, the bye week match up was easily the closest, most exciting h2h of the week.  Save some for Week 15, guys!

Quotable Quotes from around the League this Week:

"Hey Anthony, what's the return policy on your RBs?  I think Spiller's broken."

- DreamBoat Trash.  I have the receipt but he kind of smells like Buffalo...
 

"I know the feeling of an opponents team early on jacking up the score but I have all my skill players to go.  As the day goes on and the difference escalates, the sinking feeling moves in that I'm going to lose.  Then a few of my best players pull out the "double ought" "0.0" and it gets reinforced.  Only on Monday night, I have two potential upside monsters who close the gap tremendously only:

A) I still lose by 0.5 points

B) Forget about the other teams cornerback who on the last play happens to get to the quarterback who falls to the ground, inadvertently drops the ball, and the DB touches him, giving their team a sack, TFL, sack yards, and a forced fumble for no other reason than they were standing nearby.  My team covers the original deficit, however, I still lose by those 7 points.

C) I'm the winning team with the great lead only the other team has either Jordy Nelson, Stafford/Megatron, Arron Rodgers, or Victor "I drop points like most catholics put out babies' Cruz to play Monday night and I lose by 7 when those guys have a career year for their grandma/mom/charity, or some other heartfelt reason.

Have fun tonight John, you now know how everyone else feels in the league every week!"

- Mushin no Shin, who just so happens to be the brave soul that wrote what everyone else has been thinking all season.  Burn on, twinkling star!

"Since you've only scored about 3 points already (thurs) with the juggernaut internationally recognized fantasy team that is likened to David Hasslehoff riding a unicorn in Atlantis, maybe you should try a few other names as well.

All sizzle, no steak.
Real. Relateable. Ricky Lake.
All plane, no snake.

Big hat, no cattle.
Ewart Haron is Jackie Battle.
too little snake, not enough rattle.

bitter, burned and upset
I may name my team that yet,
first I'll hunt you down like Boba Fett."

- Chicks with Ditkas, rapping like the Raven on my chamber door

"Two concussed tight ends

head slapping with frustration

just might give me one"

- Brady Gaga

"All planes and Boba Fett?
I'd say name your team "Regret"
A twelve point lead is fine on Thursday
But MNF will soon be your curse-day.

Sadly stained: my gloried projection
cursed by pride, rewarded dejection
seeking consolation but you say "Nein"
to get Myers clean you'd need "derptintine".

Olsen won't be better: you expect 18?
Looks worse than the fakest ID I've seen.
And 18 for Williams?  You must be joking.
I've got no clue what MFL is smoking...

And big Pey-pey couldn't rubberneck 'em
probably because his is now bolted on
A Colt or a Bronco?  Brady will still wreck 'em
We'll see who laughs last come Tuesday's dawn."

-I'm a MAN I'm Forte! Manager Nils Ferm, who will literally start hunting down and chewing off the ACLs of anyone that steals carries from CJ Spiller or CJ2K.

"Good news everyone! My Dynasty League team, Chicks with Ditkas, won our 2nd Division Championship in a row last night. All is right again!"

- Chicks with Ditkas, resorting to Facebook to find praise for his achievement.  Well Mr. Fancy-pants, I hope you enjoy your trophy for being a Division Champion.  Oh, wait, trophies are for ACTUAL Champions?  Premature celebration Russell.  I think there's a pill for that.  It's called "humility".

"Murray'd to the Mob
An offer he can't refuse
(it's the off season)."

-Brady Gaga, talking trash like an old garbage man

Next Week's "Featured Match-up":

Brady Gaga (8-5) vs. Sir Jardarrelle Patterstokes (10-3)

John had better hope that he's hit rock bottom because he needs to win by 40 in order to take the match up.  Then again, traps are best sprung when the prey is fully committed...

Trade Market Watch:

BRADY GAGA GAVE UP: STEWART, JONATHAN CAR RB JACKSON, DESEAN PHI WR APPALACHIAN REFUGEES GAVE UP: GONZALEZ, TONY ATL TE

APPALACHIAN REFUGEES GAVE UP: JOHNSON, ANDRE HOU WR FREEMAN, JERRELL IND LB SIR JARDARRELLE PATTERSTOKES GAVE UP: RODGERS, JACQUIZZ ATL RB AUSTIN, MILES DAL WR WILLIS, PATRICK SFO LB

Two quick deals more for cap space and depth than anything else.  Appalachian gets some building blocks for next season and beyond for absorbing off some of the Anderson's boat trash.  Personally I think that the Fugees got the best of both deals but it was necessity  not convenience that motivated them happening for Gaga and Patterstokes.

FA Hot Stocks:

Zip.  Nadda.  I don't even think there are even any single members of the Rocky Top.  We can't even pimp one of you.