Guest Post!

John Hughes, Jr. could have been my Dad. He wrote, directed, or produced some of the greatest movies

for teens in the 80’s and 90’s.  Here are a few matched with teams from the BORT:


The entire National Lampoon's Vacation trilogy;  With great expectation, the turf headed out with the

family truckster this year only to suffer scrapes, dings, broken down cars and dead grandmas.  However,

this week, the immortal question “Excuse me , Santonio Holmes, How do I get back to the highway?” was

answered with a win.  Lured by Darren MCFadden in a red Ferrari, their entire running back core now are

either rookies or playing like them.  It’s pretty bad when your best RB tosses more TDs in real life than

his QB.  And their best WR plays for their hapless brother in law Eddie (Giants).  His D is stout, perhaps

he needs to take his offense around at gunpoint and show them how to have a good time.  Anyway, the

sequel of the rest of the season, should be better than the first couple weeks.  


Ferris Bueller's Day Off; Bucking the system, breaking through the parental-adult complex to form an

identity and live your own life.  Or in this case, living in the shadow of your brother.  Muscle and flow have

been taking the year off in terms of fantasy engagement, but have outhustled some folks recently.  Pretty

solid scoring all the way down the line, there are few weaknesses in the lineup, they just need to run the

mileage back a few weeks to retake some wins, but be careful they don’t run the car off the cliff.  


Weird Science; using science to get laid, which still ranks as one of the worst ideas today has to go to

Mushin no shin.  DVOA, DYAR MAKER, DEWARS, pick a metric that helps winning.  Much maligned for drafting LBs and other defensemen, the MNS can attribute this style to at least one win already.  Instead

of kissing his own biceps, he should attend to his RB situation and QB, which look like the extras for

Dennis the Menace.   Like Mr. Mom, he has to attend to other duties around the house, and She’s Having

a Baby might describe his last and final year in the league.


The Breakfast Club; Life’s cross section. Punker, artist, jock, dweeb, pretty girl.  Sounds like the rag tag

crew the Chinese Mafia has been putting together each week.  At one point, the height challenged guidos

of southeast asia had the top two scoring WRs (Edelman is anthony hall, Jackson is Judd Nelson) and

RBs (Joique Bell has to be the jock, and Knowshon is molly ringwald) that no one ever thought would

hold those ranks.  They managed a win and have moved into Spoiler Alert as the “I don’t want to play

them during a bye week team.”


Some Kind of Wonderful; The offbeat loner finally reaches his goal of dating the hot girl, and his

earnestness is endearing.  She is conventionally pretty, yet totally vapid. His loner drumming sidekick is

the better play only you can’t read the main character because it’s eric stolz, one of the greatest character

actors of the time (Blue Velvet, Mask, Twin Peaks).  Replacement refs came out of nowhere to take an

early lead.  They faltered, basically relying on the popular girl (offense) while they should have been

paying attention to the fedora and suspender wearing best buddy (defense - $60 for Mario Williams, that’s

like four 2013 Brandon Jacobs’s), but they finally head to the Hollywood bowl realizing they don’t like the

popular girl but do like the not so popular girl.  Once righted, this team is probably the most likely to finally

wrest the diamond earrings from the obnoxiouson jockarelles.


Sixteen Candles; Again awkward teen tries to make it with miss popular. Unrequitted love in the halls

of my high school.  Betting with friends that you can obtain a girl’s underwear, I’m pretty sure this was

written about the owner of Midnite with the Gorton’s fishermen, probably last week.  Sweating with

desperation like Harry Dean Stanton in any movie, they mortgaged their entire future rookie drafts to

obtain Vick, because he still has one good game in him before he gets crumpled under the weight of a

300 pound linemen.  Perhaps the wins will come running out of the gym at the end and find him in the

parking lot to confess their true feelings, or he might wind up driving home the cast-off girlfriend of one of

the other owners.


Pretty in Pink; the soundtrack that launched a million itunes accounts had they had iphones in the 80’s.

Smiths, psyche furs, OMD, Suzanne vega, new order, echo and the bunnymen.  All top of their game.

This probably has to go to the corduroy artichokes for having a passion for obtaining the best players at

every position, you know, to win every year.  This would put the stokes in the rich kid category, but alas

their owner is not like the other rich kids at school and probably wins again in the end, thus still doing

what rich kids do, profiting from their cumulative advantage.  However, they just lost so I’m expecting a

monster trade coming on.  In the immortal words of another 80’s star, “Do some of that pilot shit, Mav.”


Planes, Trains and Automobiles; chicks with ditkas wearing lulu lemon yoga pants.  Hey-oh.  Whatever

the method of transportation, the long duk dongs have been bringing the wood strong through the air.

Manning has never looked back after last season, partly because his neck is fused together.  An early

contender they are going to need a strong second coming to keep it up after going 1-2 at the hands of the

Dawg pounders.      


Uncle Buck; Great Outdoors, The Dawg pounders.  What can you say about your arch rival that won’t get you beat up in public the next time you see her.  She might be able to stomach some kindness since she

took was handed the first win this year.  No bitterness here, none, just a little pain from getting a hook in

the finger.  Even though her team looks like a time capsule for 2007 (Jacobs, Bradshaw, Jones-Drew,

Brees, Reggie Wayne, Timmons, Woodley, Peppers, Allen), it still finds a way to win, especially when

my team chokes and gift wraps a win that it could have had if some Viagra tossing, eating dinner at 4:30,

tracksuit wearing old coach could actually coach. Coughlin! Good luck the rest of the way.


 The Home Alone trilogy. The over/undertakes have sole possession of first place after leaving

Napoleons campaign out in the cold this week. The team has a lot of upside, but is due for a swinging

lamp to hit them while tacks are under foot since they just started Pierre Thomas and got significant

numbers.  It’s his week to take off now or get 3.2 pts while NOLA still wins the game. I owned him

numerous times.  His average is great for the year, but the variability from week to week kills you.