Week Four Recap

It was a Jinx-day in Jinxville

and Tiny Darren Jinx

woke up thinking Jinxy thoughts

...for that's what Jinxy Jinxes thinks.

He catched and he rushed

and his footballs touched down

and poor Nils yelled sentences with unprintable nouns.

Darren's points pointed North: twenty, then thirty!

Nils' protests became angry, then dirty, then flirty!

But then Marques Colston, the Cols Ston in town

caught 6 passes after halftime, and Nils' frown turned upside-down.

For all his fleet feet, for all the hustle-bustle

it was still too much for Darren

and Nils FINALLY took down Russell.

Ahem.  And there were other things too.

MONDAY MORNING QUARTER-SLACK

Okay folks, you know the drill: A brief introduction, by either yours truly or a celebrity guest, the weekly awards, with a decidedly mountainous theme as befits our league name, quotable quotes from around the league that week (I'll pull them from message board posts and emails, and otherwise will totally make them up to suit my needs), and finally a preview of the coming week's match-ups and FA transactions. Any comments/suggestions can be sent to nilsferm@gmail.com and I will promptly use them however I wish.

Weekly Awards:The Everest - Awarded to the Highest-Scoring team of the week.

This week:  Dawg Pounders (284.4)

2012, meet 2012: Redux.  After being the highest scoring team to not make the playoffs last season, Tracy has finally matched the wins to the point output in 2013 and has rolled to a 3-1 start.  Her 13pts/week edge over the #2 scoring team is more than the gap between #2 and #5 and it's not just Jimmy Graham.  This week Drew Brees was the top man with a Peyton-esque 40.2pts, but 10 more starters put up double-digit outputs, and she nearly had an 11th with the NEP Off just missing out at 9.6.  Rob was no match for the Once and potentially Future BORT point Queen.

The (Mushin) Mohammed - Awarded to a win aided most by Negative Point-Scoring by the Opponent (This Mountain came TO Mohamed)

This week: None
David Wilson cumulative scoring: +12.5
Twelve point five! Twelve point five!  Or, as I like to put it: Just over a quarter of Peyton Manning!  Just over a quarter!

Iceberg- Awarded to the team that had the Highest Scoring Performance left Benched

This week: Cordarrelicte Campaign  (32.7)

Whither goes the Kommisar?  After blazing out to 7 straight wins to start 2012 John's group of steroid-addled Terminators have treaded water so far this season, trading wins with losses on their way to .500 and the 6th highest point average.  Being an entity that is imbued with a soul, I for one am not resting easy.  I recommend that Sean Lee watch his back, and maybe acquire an "h" for his first name to blend in with the crowd.

Mount Katahdin - Awarded to the team with the Longest Winning Streak

Because the Appalachian Trail is like a streak, and Katahdin is the end of it, and it's a mountain, and...

This week: Mushin no Shin (3 wins)

The Defensive Revolution has come!  After a roster-gutting trade last season netted Anthony uber-defensive studs JJ Watt and Aldon Smith, and then the disciple of Nobunaga acquired Luke Keuchly and Navarro Bowman, people were left puzzled as to how he intended to score without having an offense.  Well, those moves are looking mighty fine these days as "The Man with No Name...or Anything Else" sits atop Thompson Boling Arena tied with Tracy's juggernaut at 3-1.  Now the question is just whether the defense-heavy approach can be consistent enough to win week to week.  MFL, looking at Week 5's projected scoring totals, does not appear to have much faith in that...

Coors Light - Awarded to the team with the Lowest Point Total in a Win

This week:   Cordarrelicte Campaign  (210.1)
As discussed above, something just doesn't feel quite right about Lane Kiffin's Bane this season.  Arian Foster seems to be losing ground to defenders as well as Ben Tate, Gronk has played exactly as many snaps as myself for the Pats this season and the Trent-to-IND trade has somehow benefited everyone on the Colts EXCEPT Trent.  That being said, Kommisar John sits at 2-2, a mere game out of the division lead, and his team has nowhere to go but up.  Literally, as John is below them with a whip.  In Hell.  Because he's the Devil.  That's the allusion I was trying to make.

Gregor Clegane - Awarded to the team that pulled off the Biggest Upset According to Projections

Because he's "The Mountain who Rides". Football and fantasy, amiright? More like "Game of THROWS" in DEN the other night...

This week: Mushin no Shin (1.7pt projected loss, 14.3pt win)

Nothing compared to the flip-flop that occurred last week, but Anthony got key performances from all of his big IDPs as well as his first double-digit contribution from David Wilson en route to the comeback win.  This was offset by a sub-5pt performance from Bernard Pierce but hey, he won with Bernard Pierce and David Wilson as his RBs.  That's worth like 2 wins.

MDI (Mount Desert Island) - Awarded to the team with the Worst Efficiency Rating

Because our mountains don't even have trees on top. That's weak. Hear me, Mountains? Rogaine. It's a thing.

This week:  Cordarrelicte Campaign (82.0%)

Much of this rating had to do with Sean Lee's preposterous and unforeseeable 32.7pt dismantling of the Chargers but Matt Stafford and Terrell Suggs also had significantly better days than their started contemporaries.  John was stuck in the "3 good QBs" trap for much of last season, but it's still pick your poison deciding which one to start week to week with just the 2.

Cliffhanger - Awarded to the team with the Smallest Margin of Victory

This week:  Mushin no Shin (14.3 pts)

And herein lies the rub, and the reason why some think that Anthony's love-train may blow its wad too early.  Despite being 3-1, and having beaten decent teams to get there, Anthony hasn't really won by very much.  In fact, looking at the Power Rankings, he's only been the 7th best team this season.  It just so happens that the teams he's faced have put up their worst weeks when they've gone against the Fly Samurai.  Coincidence?  Ancient Japanese Secret?  Or just a ton of bricks labeled "Reality" waiting in Week 5...

Quotable Quotes from around the League this Week:

"I too, used to believe in the jinx fairy; however, after avoiding checking the live scoreboard until each tier of games are over (as opposed to checking the score after you see the real game stats of one of your guys scroll across the bottom of the tv because the jinx fairy really doesn't like that) I still have 4 of my 6 RB's injured and knocked out of games. I'm asking Santa Claus for a running back for Christmas."

- The Magnetic Turf.  And OH BOY do I have a deal for YOU.  Chris Snelling should be called Chris SMELLING because these prices STINK.  I mean, they STINK SO GOOD, like bees want to pollinate them!  To recap: Chris Snelling attracts bees.

"Luckily I really don't have any jinx power.  If anything i say comes true, it's because it was coincidence. I'm pulling for you to break the curse, just having fun with the situation.  Since we are playing each other next week, you can return the favor. However, watch out because David Wilson has moved out of negative points for the year and soon will break the elusive 10 point total barrier.  So I'm back."

- Mushin no Shin, who IS back.  In black.  Because he's at a funeral.  For his SEASON.  I really need to work on my trash talking.

"Went to go check out the old Anderson place, heard noises in the night and found a door ajar in the graveyard.  Funny, looked like it'd been opened from the INside..."

- Note found next to the body of Agnes Doublereach, formerly the wife of Jeremiah of the same name.  Well, next to MOST of her body...

"Martellus Bennett!
Seventeen points from TE!!
...are one-tenth my score?"

- Muscle 'N Flow

"Anutha loss?  I guess I didn't pass Jacquizz,"

- Chinese Mafia, now 0-2 in terrible puns.

"Are you SURE Spiller wasn't on a bye THIS week?"

-Cordarrellicte Campaign

Next Week's "Featured Match-up":

Chinese Mafia (1-3) vs. Chicks with Ditkas (1-3)

"Downy for Clowney", "Ditch-harder for Bridgewater", whatever you want to call it.  This loser of this game will be on the fast track to the top overall pick in the 2014 draft, and--no, I can't do this.  It's going to be Da.  Da will lose this game.  Have you seen the Projected totals?  Russell's favored to win by EIGHTY-TWO points.  That's 3 Peyton Mannings.  Honestly, I just want to see if the Chicks can win by a hundo.